About Viv
I am a twenty-something gal that lives in suburban bliss with my husband, vicious dog, and psychotic cat. I am also the proud pseudo-wife to my husband’s best friend, Chet. He’s pretty much around all the time. It’s like reverse textbook polygamy, except I’m only allowed to have sex and with the dude I’m legally married to. Oh, and I’m not looking for some celestial reward in the end — although I think I should be entitled if the FLDS has it right.
I quit my job some months ago because staying would have caused me and El Diablo to divorce. That’s right. We worked together. It was quite a nightmare most days, but I didn’t mind it too much since it meant that I never had to drive to or from work. Now I do laundry and dishes for a living (or pretend to on most days) and listen to my husband crack jokes about being the only one earning a living — even though everyone knows his “bread winner” title makes him feel super manly. I’m pretty crafty and everyone keeps telling me to start a business because I “could so make that”, but that requires effort and actually “making that”, so I haven’t done “that” yet.
My husband, parents, and in-laws are dying for us to produce offspring. I’m ready, too, though I’m hesitant to give up my Sunday Funday. Kids seem like such a great idea until they interfere with your social life. Call me selfish, but … OK, just call me selfish.
FUN FACTS
I used to gag when I brushed my teeth. Now I dry heave.
I’m unnaturally obsessed with a man that I’ll never have — Mr. George Michael.
I bruise like a peach and I’m ridiculously clumsy, so I constantly look like a battered wife.
I, too, am addicted to Q-Tips. I can go through a box of 500 in a month.
I cannot stand Las Vegas.
If I was in a Pinot Grigio drinking contest, I’d win.
I have a potty mouth that my mother taught me was “so unbecoming of a young lady”, yet I learned all of my cuss words from her.
I am far too dependent on my cleaning lady.
I make up my own words and then actually catch other people saying them in random conversations.
If I played the bass guitar, I’d be the perfect woman according to the TV show “How I Met Your Mother”.
