Bitter Wives Club

I don’t get soap operas.  The only time I ever watched them was when I was spending the summers with my grandma in Oklahoma and that was pretty much because it was either (a) watch The Bold and the Beautiful & The Young and the Restless (who comes up with this shit??) OR (b) go down to the cemetery.  And frankly I really only wanted to watch cause I had a mad crush on Michael Damian.  Picture me sitting in front of the giant tube tv in its wooden case with a boom box recording “Rock On”… I digress.  So the other day I’m sitting down to watch Judge Judy¹ but I couldn’t find the remote.  So rather than watch 5 minutes of Dr. Phil and then have to get up again and change the channel, I just flip it to cbs.  I got to catch the end of this wonderful show called Guiding Light.  Are there any GL fans out there?  I’d like to pick your brain.  Seriously, I cannot get the appeal of this crap.  You have your standard pregnant chick who is OF COURSE gonna die when she gives birth² and a dude whose makeup was so bad he looked like he just got back from an amateur drag show at Big Ruby’s³.  So someone, anyone, please enlighten me.  And now, I must go change a shit diaper.  Story of my life.

¹ You have a problem with Judge Judy?  I bet you wouldn’t say that to her face.

² The maternal mortality rate in the US is 13 in 100,000 and most of these are due to complications of C-Sections not pre-existing conditions.  On soaps however, the rate is more like 1 in 2… and its always something we learn before hand so we can spend 9 months (if an actual pregnancy) or 4 weeks (if a fake pregnancy) worrying if Reva will survive or if her baby’s daddy will convince her to terminate.  Very suspenseful.

³ Big Ruby’s is an upscale gay clothing-optional resort in Key West, FL.  www.bigrubys.com incase you’re interested

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